Scars of Weakness
by The Thief King
Summary: "Why do I keep going back to him? Why am I so weak? He's done so much to me. He's put me through hell. Yet in the end, I always put the Ring back on. I can't let him go." Just a short fic about Ryou's thoughts. NO YAOI, NO TENDERSHIPPING!


Well, I was bored. And this was bouncing around in my head, so I decided to write it. Yeah, I know, it's not very good... Sorry :( It's just a short little thing. Read it, please!

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><p>Why do I keep going back to him?<p>

That question plagues me. I hate it. I despise it. Why am I so weak?

He's done so much to me. He's put me through hell.

Because of him, I can barely use my left hand. Because of him, I have scars on my chest, on my arms, on my mind.

That's the worst part of it.

The things he says to me.

I've never really had a lot of self esteem before. But he's destroyed any self esteem I ever did have. _**You're worthless. I don't need you. If you don't do what I say, Ryou, I swear, I'll make you wish you were dead. Ra, hikari, you do everything wrong! Why can't you do something right? Do I have to do everything myself? Just shut up, Ryou, shut up.**_

All of those things he says to me. He's made me want to kill myself so many times. It's worse because everything he says is true. I don't have friends. The friends that I DO have are afraid of me because of what he does. He's nearly killed my friends. He HAS killed many of them.

And yet I always come crawling back. I've had so many opportunities to get rid of the Ring, to get rid of the pain, to get rid of him.

But I never do.

Why?

I don't know. I wish I could. Maybe part of me feels sorry for him. There are moments, moments when he thinks I'm not paying attention, that I feel his loneliness, his sadness… It's the worst thing I've ever felt. It's stronger than any emotion I've felt in my life, and believe me, I've felt a lot of strong emotions. But he never says anything about it. Only hate, only revenge.

Sometimes I wonder what made him so bitter. Why does he hate the pharaoh so much? He won't tell me, and the pharaoh doesn't know. I asked the spirit about it once. Once. That was all it took.

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_ Ryou sat on his bed, staring out the window, watching the rain streak down the pane, a thoughtful, nervous expression on his pale face. Tentatively, he reached out through the mind link. "Yami?"__he asked aloud cautiously, unsure of how the spirit would respond to his query. _

_It was a moment before he got a response. __**What is it you want, Yadonushi? **__the spirit finally asked, sounding irritated._

_ Ryou shifted in his seat, trying to find the correct way to phrase his question. "Why do you…I mean, why do you hate the pharaoh so much? What did he ever—" The boy's words were cut off as an agonizing pain ripped through his chest. What was happening? He doubled over, uttering a small cry of anguish. This was even worse than the time the spirit had forced himself in control of Ryou's body the first time. _

_**Don't… you… EVER… ask me that again. Is that clear? **__the spirit snarled, his voice taught with rage. Ryou couldn't respond; the pain was too intense. When the boy didn't say anything, the pain intensified tenfold. Ryou let out a scream of agony. __**I said, IS THAT CLEAR? **__the spirit roared in Ryou's mind. _

"_Yes! Yes! Please! Stop! Aaaah!" Ryou managed to gasp, his eyes slamming shut tightly, tears leaking from the corners. He let out a strangled sob. "Oh, God, please stop, it hurts, stop, stop, stop…" _

_The pain vanished, and Ryou collapsed onto the bed, his arms wrapped around himself, letting out small sobs. The spirit had retreated into his soul room, but not before Ryou felt the anger of the spirit… and the sadness. Deep, aching, heart-shattering grief. _

_Why?_

_~/~/~  
><em>

I don't know what happened to him that time. I'm definitely not going to ask. I don't want to go through that pain again. Just thinking about it makes me shudder…

Back to my original point.

I don't know why I let him stay inside me. I should throw the Ring out the window, bury it, burn it, crush it, do _something._

But I don't. I never do. When I go to sleep at night, I lay the Ring carefully on my bedside table, and I always put it on in the morning.

I'm afraid.

What if he kills me?

I know he wouldn't, because then he'd die too.

But sometimes, I contemplate just… ending it all.

Why shouldn't I?

My mother is dead. Amane is dead. I barely see my father anymore. Yugi has his other friends. I'm not needed… am I?

Would anyone notice if I was gone?

I can feel the spirit's shock as I write these words. _**Hikari, what are you saying? Don't do this! You can't kill yourself! Hikari! ANSWER ME, GOD DAMN IT!**_

I wipe tears from my face. I don't answer him, which only makes him panic more.

Yes, I'm beginning to think this is a good option.

Death.

Does it hurt to die?

_**No.**_

The word surprises me. Was that him talking?

_**It doesn't hurt. My body died, remember? It doesn't hurt.**_

Can that really be him? He doesn't sound as cruel as before… am I imagining things. The spirit lets out a sigh.

_**Don't do it, Hikari. It's not worth it. Please… just don't.**_

He sounds tired, resigned. That's new. I stay silent. "I'm sorry," I whispered finally.

I won't do it.

Not today.

For now… I just can't get rid of him. He's here to stay. Until I'm strong enough to cast him out.

Maybe we both need each other.

I hang my head. So weak. I hate myself for it. I'm too weak to survive without him. Maybe someday, I can. Someday.

But not today.

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><p>Bastet: Hmmm... sounds kind of like tendershipping.<p>

IT'S NOT TENDERSHIPPING! GEEZ! They're like BROTHERS. BROOOOOOOOOOOTHERS.

Bastet: Okay, okay. Little bit touchy, are we?

I just don't want people to think this is tendershipping. This is just what _I _think about Ryou and the spirit. Because, I mean, why DOES Ryou keep going back to the spirit? There WERE a lot of times when he could easily have chucked the ring. But no. He kept it. Always. So... yeah. It's not yaoi


End file.
